went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize