Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
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Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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