Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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