somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
