That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
