What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
