Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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