Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
