The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
