i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
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Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
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I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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