Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
