My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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