You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
