Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
