brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
