why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Panties = found
Randomize
