I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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