I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
