So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
