just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
