He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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