Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
