Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
