soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I love having hate sex.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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