I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
