Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
