did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
