so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
