so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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