I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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