she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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