The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
