then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
