Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
