Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
