If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
