Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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