just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
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I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
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Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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