You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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