I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
