i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
