the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
