I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
