"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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