And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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