I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
