Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
