Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
