you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
