so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
