i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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