So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
