Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
