here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
