You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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