I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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