I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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