So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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