one word: firstdatebathroomanal
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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