Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
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Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
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There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
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