Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
