Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
