Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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