He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
