i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
