It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He felt like a one man threesome
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
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