You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
