i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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