I think I died a long time ago.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
