I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I can't trust your balls anymore.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
