You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
