omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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