"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
