i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
